


why can't we be friends

by wanderingWisteria (hunterwho)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Dave Strider, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Homophobia, Humanstuck, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Oh also, Pizza, Singing, Slow Burn, That's it, karkat is a scared son, not really but it has one line of talking about it, now time for all the bullshit tags, oh btw that original female character is a mom, ok this is such gay, slow burn is kind of because its a one shot fic idk how slow you can get there, this is gay, this is happy-sad-happy again, this was written at three (3) am while it rained outside, why can't weeee bee frieeeeends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-02 20:42:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11517087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunterwho/pseuds/wanderingWisteria
Summary: this was based off of a tumblr post that i read, enjoyed, and decided "let's clear this writer's block"also known as: what the fuck why are you at pizza hut





	why can't we be friends

**Author's Note:**

> HE RETURNS FROM HIS CAVE OF SUFFERING  
> jk guys sorry for the hiatus i update nonregularly so dont expect new content at a consistent rate?  
> i should really post this at a more apt time but yknow im not about that life  
> i felt like writing davekat so heres davekat  
> the quality of the writing is, like, good, then not, then ok, then REALLY GAY I MEAN GOOD I MEAN GAY, then not good whatsoever. im sorry about this and i know i have issues with pacing but whatever.  
> i think this is the longest fic ive ever written, i tried to keep it adequately paced but i did Not Do That  
> authoring is hard guysz!!1  
> ok but for real? enjoy. i am SO sorry

prompt: "my mom ordered from two different pizza places at the same time because she had two coupons and they showed up at the same time and the domino's guy is singing 'why can't we be friends' while the pizza hut guy is glaring at him angrily"

It was another quiet night at Pizza Hut. Of course, you worked the later shift, after dinner but not quite late enough for the stoners to come in (they always came in ten minutes before your shift ended, asking for pizza with pineapple, which you begrudgingly made, although you hated it). You weren't expecting any orders until stoner time, but midway through your shift, you heard the phone ring. You picked it up, and attempted to say "Welcome to Pizza Hut, what would you like?" as cheerfully as possible, although you knew your agitation would betray you. It was, apparently, a middle-aged woman, who wanted a medium with sausage on half. You sighed, and got right to work. Better to get it over with as fast as possible. You told the only other employee- a girl who spent more time squealing at her phone than greeting customers, named Nepeta, you thought- that you were going out on a delivery, and headed out.

The address was in a middle-class suburban neighborhood, in the sort of cookie-cutter catalogue place that had clearly been built entirely in the last ten years. It was where every midwestern family wanted to end up, with plenty of yard space and neighbors for their little tykes to play with. You brought the pizza to the door, rang the doorbell, and waited. A nice-looking lady, clearly a mother, answered the doorbell and paid with a 20 and some coupons that she'd clearly been saving for this opportunity. You brushed your black hair out of your eyes and attempted to look presentable, instead of just looking like a college student working minimum wage to pay for his rent. Something about the lady reminded you of your own mom, and you didn't want to disappoint her.

As she was bringing the pizza inside- probably to hungry children- you heard the sound of another car pulling up. You turned around to see another guy, a college student like you by the looks of it, holding... was that a Domino's box? Oh  _hell_  no. He's coming to the same house. He's ringing the doorbell. The same mother is answering.

"What the f..."  _Karkat, don't swear, set a good example, be a good employee._  "...the  _heck_  are you doing?" You adjusted your Pizza Hut hat accusingly.

"Just delivering some pizza from my favorite pizza chain." His sunglasses reflected your angry glare right back at you and it's annoying as hell. You waited until the mother had gone back inside and gave him a glare worthy of the phrase "shooting daggers".

"Hey, dude, stop being so mean to me." He started to hum a familiar tu- wait, is that  _Why Can't We Be Friends?_  Are you fucking kidding?

"Are you  _kidding me?"_  He was full-on singing now, and the mother, who had returned to the door, was laughing. You glared at him, but he just  _kept fucking singing._

Which brings you to now, where he's standing in front of you and your manager is introducing him as your "newest employee". 

"What is he  _doing here?_ "

"He's your newest employee, I've just said this." God, your manager can be infuriating sometimes. A stoic man named Equius, he "runs" your restaurant, in quotes because you and Nepeta are basically the only two people who bother to turn up anymore, and Nepeta was only hired because she's his best friend. You have no idea how he climbed the corporate chain whatsoever, but he scares you and you pay him his due.

"Okay, I guess. I'll train him, and show him how to run the register, and stuff." Equius nods, and finally leaves.  _Thank God, finally I can give this idiot the earlashing he deserves._

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, you idiot?"

"I have a job now. Working here, at my favorite pizza place."

"That's a fucking lie. You were working at Domino's just a week ago."

"No I wa-"

"You delivered a fucking pizza to the same house I was at! WHILE I WAS DELIVERING THE PIZZA!" This rant is totally deserved, this guy deserves this. If he thinks he can just get away with this joke, he's got another one coming.

"I... got fired." His voice betrays embarrassment, and yet his face remains neutral. Nevertheless, you feel a bit of pity for him, despite all your instincts telling you to yell at him.

"Well, let's see if you can keep up here. I'll show you how to man the register, it's a little different because it's broken and nobody knows how to fix it so that 'Extra Cheese' actually does cheese and not olives." He nods, and you get to work.

To your surprise, it's actually not horrible, except it really is when you find out that he's working your shift every night and you're going to have to put up with this douche every single night.

Time passes. Shift after shift passes, and every night it's a little better. You and Dave (you learned his name almost two weeks after he started working at Pizza Hut, only because he'd forgotten to tell you it) started to get along, helping each other study for exams and such. He was pursuing a degree in "sick beats" (actually in business management, with a minor in video production) and you had the pleasure of listening to his music every single night, in a genre he described as "rap-step" that pissed you the hell off at first, but grew on you as you listened to more. You grew into a sort of uneasy friendship, punctuated by your nightly ranting on what pizza toppings flavor-matched the best and his inability to care. It was nice. Until one night he referred to your shared shift as a "date" and you... didn't react terribly well.

"Strider, I swear to God, you need to learn how to properly mix music."

"Well, I think I've been doing a pretty good job, considering you listen to it every shift we have."

"Only because you insist on playing it over the speakers, annoying the hell out of everyone in the restaurant. Including me."

"Wasn't this relationship founded on your annoyance at my terrible music taste?"

"Relationship?"

"Of course. I personally believed each and every shift we've spent together has been a date."

"What the fuck?"

"C'mon, Karkat, I was just about to propose to you with an olive ring!"

"You're fucking kidding me." You storm out and by the time he's run after you, you're gone. You don't care that you just ran out without clocking out first, you care that you're not fucking gay.

The next day, you go to classes, and then it's time to go to work. You only go because you've never missed a day of work (not an entire one, anyways).

He's not there.

You miss his music that day. And the next three.

On the fifth day without Dave, you decide you've had enough. You're about to go snooping through some employee records to find out his number when he comes sauntering in, not wearing his uniform.

"Strider, what the fuck?! You've missed so much w-"

"I quit." He goes over to your favorite booth and props his shoes on the table.

"Did you notify the manager?"

"I sure as hell did. Equius was fine with it. We barely had any business anyways."

"But-" You're trying to come up with a reason for him not to quit, but you can't come up with any reason that doesn't start or end with the words  _I miss you_  and you refuse to say that to Dave, who's annoyed you for so damn long. "Never mind. I don't care."

"Cool, bro. Well, I'm here, why not have a slice of cheese?" You roll your eyes and get to work, choosing not to apply the employee discount. You consider charging him an extra 10 cents for rudeness, but think that would be overkill. You ask for "mister Dave Strider, yes, the one with the ironic sunglasses, to come to Register 2 to pay for his food", and his credit card is...

It's denied.

"Sorry, bro. I... guess I don't have enough to get that slice. Whoops." He shrugs his shoulders, but you've had enough experience reading his incomprehensible mask of a face to know that he feels embarrassed and sad and it's time for you to take your break now, you think, so you ring up a slice for yourself and pay for his. He's still sitting at your favorite booth when you hand him his slice of pizza. He looks up at you. "What's this?"

"I decided it was time for my corporate-mandated break. C'mon, let's walk and eat." He looks puzzled, but accepts his pizza and holds the door for you on your way out.

"So why'd you quit?" Your tone is light but your words are serious as you kick a piece of stray pavement at your feet.

"Mm. Thought it was time for a change." He's more focused on eating his slice of shitty pizza than he is on the conversation, and it would bug you but you know it's how Dave is when he wants to avoid a subject.

"So why don't you have any money?" You wouldn't press it, but you're genuinely concerned for this boy and you don't know why, he's the most annoying idiot you've ever met, but you care that he doesn't end up a homeless annoying idiot.

"I'm between jobs right now. Bills are coming in, you know..." He waves his hands, as though gesturing to the mountains of bills that he has to pay, but you're more concerned with the 'between jobs' bit.

"Dave, don't just quit without having another job ready to accept you! That's just irresponsible!"

"Well, Karkat, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm an irresponsible person." He seems effortlessly casual about the fact that he has no money and he has to pay rent sometime, and the end of the month is coming up, and he's going to owe money he doesn't have from a job he doesn't work at. It's seriously bothering you.

"Dave, I get that you like to treat yourself like you're shit, but this is  _literally_  going to end with you out on the street!"

"And? Who cares, right?" He's genuinely smiling at you, incredulously, and you can't  _believe_  him. You stand up and start pacing.

"Who cares?! I fucking care, okay? I'm sure your parents care! Why the fuck don't you care about your basic self-preservation and why the hell can't you keep a job working minimum wage at a pizza restaurant you fucking IDIOT?! I get that we argued and then I stormed out and shit, but that doesn't give you license to quit your only stable job! You're going to do great stuff and make music and movies and be super cool and you CAN'T just throw your life away!"

"Dude. Stop." You're only halfway through this rant, you've built up a head of steam and you're ready to punch something, but the emotion in his voice surprises you. "I know that I'm being irresponsible, but I don't want to work here anymore."

"Why? Is it because of me? Are you angry at me?" You're doing it mostly to be dramatic at this point.

"Actually? Fucking  _yes!_ " He's angry, genuinely angry, face flushed and it surprises you, it scares you.

"Dave, I-"

"I don't want to hear your fucking apology, okay? I was joking. I was having fun. But you're some sort of fucking  _homophobic douche_  and you run off and I can't work with you, not with you acting like that! I thought you knew! I thought we were friends! I thought you wouldn't care! But apparently it's a big deal that I'm fucking bisexual, even though you're the only person I've known well enough to come out to in years! I can't work like that! So I quit, and I don't care anymore. I just don't fucking care. I don't want to talk to you and I don't want this slice of pizza. I wanted to come here to- I don't know, make amends?- but instead you get angry that I haven't found another job. I can't believe this. Goodbye." 

And with that, shouted at your face, he walks off, gets in his car, and leaves.

You finish your shift, but only barely, and when you get home, you cry.

Did he really think you were being homophobic? You can't decide if you're angry at him or surprised or guilty, because apparently you've become everything you hated. All the people that called you a fag back in high school are coming back and this time it's you, yelling at this guy because he's bi and scared and he was your best friend.

That thought makes you pause for a moment.  _He was your best friend._  It runs through your head, over and over, on a loop. Because he was. He actually was. He was the person you'd call if something was wrong because he wasn't just an annoying delivery boy he was your  _best friend_  and he hated you now. You couldn't live with him hating you.

You skip school the next day and drive to the pizza place instead. Equius, like usual, isn't here. It goes against your law-abiding nature, but after explaining to Nepeta that you want to talk to Dave again (she agrees to stand watch and take orders), you break into your manager's office and steal Dave's file. It's blissfully thin, containing only his letter of submission. Not even any sort of documentation showing he quit. Thankfully, his address is on the submission letter, so you drive to his apartment complex with a pizza, presumably under orders to make a delivery. You ring his doorbell.

"Who's there?"

"Delivery for a Dave Strider." You try to disguise your voice, and it works.

"I... I'll be right down, I guess." He sounds surprised- to be fair, he didn't order a pizza- but at least he's answering the door. A moment later, he opens the door, wearing what look to be red, wrinkled pajamas, along with his signature shades. His face immediately changes when he sees you standing there, and he slams the door.

"Dave, I-"

"No. Karkat, just go away." His tone is bitter, and angry, and he has every right to be, but goddamnit, you want to apologize, and you want to do it now.

"Dave, get the fuck outside right now and get this pizza. I made it for you, and I can't give it to another customer, it's company policy." No answer. "Dave, you know this. You read the employee handbook, right?" Still no answer. "Dave. I swear to God, if you don't open this door right now, I will eat this entire pizza myself." You don't hear a response.

_Okay. Karkat, time to suck it up._  You take a deep breath, peer through the small window in the apartment door to make sure he's still there (he is), and you start singing.

"Why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends..." You really didn't want it to come to this, but desperate times call for desperate measures. With every line of the song, you find yourself hating life even more, and wondering how you ended up holding a pizza from Pizza Hut (your employer) while dancing and singing a horrible song in an apartment building's parking lot to get your best friend back. But then, it works.

He's opening the door. He's not smiling, he's still wearing that same grim expression he had before, but he's opening the door, at least.

"Karkat, come in. You can do your shitty sing-and-dance routine in my apartment for all I care, just stop embarrassing me and every person that lives in this apartment." You follow him up the stairs into his room.

Despite knowing him for the better part of a year now, you've never been to his apartment and he's never been to yours. His is dingy, and it's clear he barely cleans it. Books and papers are piled everywhere, and a set of turntables sits in the corner along with a microphone and a keyboard, presumably for making music. His poor excuse for a "kitchen"- a microwave, a refrigerator-freezer combo, and a stovetop- sits, unused, in the corner. His mattress takes up most of the room, and the rest is taken up by a couch sitting across from a small TV. You sit down on the couch and set the pizza box next to you, leaving room for Dave to sit. He doesn't.

"Well, I came for a delivery, and a delivery is what I'm going to give you. One pizza, right here, fresh and hot."

"Karkat, you already know I can't pay for a p-" You open the box, and your pizza-designing skills do your job for you.

"SORRY" is written in pepperoni slices on the top, followed by "FOR BEING A DICK." You made a literal dick out of olives on the bottom.

After staring at it for a moment, he smiles. He honest-to-God actually smiles. It's the greatest moment of your life, you think.

"I already paid for it. Here, eat." You offer him a slice, and he eats the entire pizza. You keep in mind that he hasn't eaten in what has to be a week now, besides the half a slice you gave him previously, and it hurts your heart that he's hungry enough to put his pride that far aside and accept pizza from  _you_ , of all people. "Can I say something now?" He nods, too busy eating pizza to give a verbal answer.

"Dave, I'm really fucking sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. It's always been sort of a sore topic with me, because I used to get bullied all the time for looking like I was gay, and I started associating being straight with being safe from the bullying. I don't care about who you're attracted to, you're my best friend and I missed you so fucking much, you have no idea. Can you forgive me?"

He swallows the last of his pizza, and replies, "Sure."

After spending a few hours playing video games with him (and by that you mean he kicks your ass, he's had practice in the last week he hasn't left his apartment), you get to talking.

"So, do you think you'll come back and work?"

"I... I think so, if Equius will let me come back. I did like working with you and Nepeta, even if we never did get any work done."

"Cool, cool." You're trying not to betray your unbridled excitement that Dave's going to try to get a job, and get a job with  _you again_ , but your thoughts are interrupted by a question.

"So, you talked earlier about straightness being... safety. So are you straight because you're straight or...?"

"Or because it's the safest option? I don't know, honestly. I've never thought about it much. I've never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend, I've been too focused on going somewhere in life."

"Well, you can do both, you know." His tone is light, he's smiling. He's clearly happier than he's been in a while, and you're so relieved. He's gotten a lot more expressive than you're used to, and it's nice. He's nice.

"I guess, but yeah, that's most of my experience. What about you? Do you care if I ask?"

"Well, with me, it was just always a thing that I knew. When I was younger, I tried to suppress it, because my Bro was... not cool with that, but since then, I've gotten more comfortable with who I am. To a certain extent, of course."

"Who's Bro?" At your question, he shifts uncomfortably in his seat, and you decide to back off. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, of co-"

"No, it's fine. Bro was my legal guardian. Our parents died, so he took care of me. Technically, he was my brother, but he wasn't a minor, so he could do whatever the fuck he wanted with baby me. He didn't end up raising me well, though. And by that, I mean I was pretty much neglected up until the time I was 15 and decided to get the hell out of there. I moved in with one of my friends' families, and lived with them until I was 18. I heard there was a good music college around here, and that's what happened, basically." He rushes his words, and you could tell he's nervous about the whole thing. If you had a secret like that, you'd tell him, but you've got nothing. You were raised by a mom and a dad, and they sent you off to college. That was your life story. Nothing interesting. "By the way, if you're wondering when I found out I was bi, it was through that online friend. I had the biggest crush on him when I was younger. Bro found out. He..." Dave trails off, and you wish you could see where he was looking because you want to know what happened to him but don't want to ask because that would be the most inconsiderate thing to do ever, Karkat, don't ever ask that. "In any case, how did you manage to not know anything about your sexuality as a 22-year-old?"

"I know I'm not asexual, I have a sex drive and everything. I find hot women sexy, I guess. But I don't know, I've never thought about anything with guys because... that would be gay, I guess, and gay was bad back when I was starting to know about attraction and stuff. So that was that. And now I really don't know." You look off to the side, slightly embarrassed. He raises a good point.

"Well, you could find out." He blurts it out quickly, and when you look back at him, he's blushing. Even his ears are red, and it's impossible not to notice with his paper-white skin. You smirk.

"Strider, are you suggesting we try something?" You wear a wry smile, but you're actually scared as hell, because he seems like he's had this idea in his head for a long time.

"Well, the game's called gay chicken. You basically just get closer and closer and the person to duck out first loses, just like in normal chicken."

"Makes sense." You try to mask the outright fear in your voice with confidence because this is wrong,  _so_  wrong, and if anybody who knew you caught wind of this you'd be ruined, so ruined.

"Well, let the games begin." You face each other on the couch and you suddenly don't know where to start, but it's okay because Dave starts for you, creeping closer and closer, and your body is falling into line, even though you don't know what to do. Suddenly he's taking off your delivery-boy hat, and you're taking off his shades? Yeah, you're taking off his shades, and you can see his eyes for the first time, and as his eyes meet yours time seems to stop, because they're ruby-red. They're red, and they're beautiful, and they're flecked with lighter bloodred in some places, and his irises are blown wide so you can't see much but what you see is  _fucking beautiful_  and you feel that thought shoot through your heart like a bullet. You can't breathe for a moment, but only a moment, because gay chicken is still going on even though you just witnessed the most beautiful thing you'll ever see and that is Dave Strider's eyes. So as he laces his fingers with yours, you study his face. It's dusted with a few freckles, and his blond hair falls over the side in what you've called "emo fringe" more than a few times. His eyebrows, as blond as his hair, look soft, and kind, and okay you can't avoid his eyes, those eyes that are staring into yours with a piercing, intense fire, and your faces are so close together that you can feel his breath, short and shallow and he's cupping your cheek with one hand, tenderly, carefully, and you see your life flash through your mind as his eyes flutter shut and he tilts his head and you feel like you're drowning in emotion and then-

Your lips are on his. They're warm, and soft, and careful, careful not to overstep boundaries, poised and ready to stop at any time, but you find that you don't  _want to_. You grip his hand in yours, tighter, and he takes that as a sign and stops 'kissing' you and starts  _kissing you_ , really kissing you, and you can't breathe and your chest feels like it's overflowing with pure passion, all your fear converted into pure, raw emotion that would bring you to your knees otherwise but here just brings you closer to him. You feel lost, like time has loosened its grip on you two for just a moment and decides instead to ebb and flow around you, leaving you alone for just a moment. 

And then that moment is over.

He breaks away, and withdraws, and you let out a sob of pure emotion because you've never  _felt that_  before and you've thrown your arms around him and are you crying? You don't know, but your cheeks feel like they have tears running down them and you're hugging him, and you don't know how to communicate to him what you just experienced. He lets go after a moment, and his eyes- those eyes!- wear a concerned look.

"Karkat? Are you okay? Holy shit, are you  _crying?_  Dude, I'm so sorry, I didn't think you-" His words are flying out so fast, and you don't know how to explain, for once in your life you're lost for words, so you explain instead by kissing him again. You wrap an arm around him, and your fingers are in his hair, and it's the softest thing you think you've ever felt, and his lips are still soft and he's still so,  _so_  beautiful, and you couldn't say the word love but you think it applies in this situation. 

He won't stand for being silenced, though, and he pulls back much too soon. "Karkat, what's going on?"

"Dave, oh my god, I don't know what's happening or what just happened but it was so wonderful, I can't process or comprehend anything anymore, please help me." You aren't kidding, but he laughs and puts a hand on your shoulder.

"Karkat, I think you might be a little more gay than you originally intended." With his shades off, he suddenly seems more open- he's actually emoting. With his face. He's not hiding anything anymore, and it's such a nice change.

"Yeah, maybe. I'm more concerned with why the hell I haven't done this before. Also, the fact that you supplied that answer so quickly."

"Well, I did have sort of a silly schoolgirl crush on you. Still do, actually." He glances to the side, blushing, clearly embarrassed.

"Y-you did?"

"Yeah. You're really cute, in case you couldn't tell." You're blown away by this, and then blown away by the fact that he put up with you.

"Well, I think I might too. I mean, your eyes are really goddamn beautiful."

"Really?" His voice is lower, and clearer, and it's a change in tone from his usual vocal 'swagger'.

"Yeah. Really. The red's... different."

"My eyes are actually really photosensitive. That's why I wear the sunglasses all the time."

"Oh, is that why? That's a damn shame, I was looking forward to seeing them more often." You wish you could lie, but his eyes really are beautiful and you love them. You love him.

"Sorry to let you down, but my apartment lights are kept low enough that I can have them off most of the time. So come back here-" he raises his eyebrows suggestively- "and you'll see more."

"In any case, do you think you want to come back and work at Pizza Hut?" You feel horrible about changing the subject, but you need to know.

"Of course. I just want to work the same shift as you, literally until the end of time."

"Sounds like a plan to me. Do you, uh, want to play some more video games?" You don't know where to take this that isn't kissing him and you don't know if he wants to do that or not, and-

"Actually, I thought maybe kissing would be a better idea." Well, that settles that.

"That is a much better plan, yes. I just have one question. What are we?" It's cliche, but you want to know.

"How about 'two annoying delivery boys who kiss a lot'?"

"That sounds great." And your lips meet and you stay in Dave's apartment for a long, long time.

**Author's Note:**

> it got pretty gay for a while there, then karkat just went like "yo you comin back to pizza hut"  
> this is NOT SPONSORED BY PIZZA HUT they would probably hate me for doing this and harming their brand with this gayness  
> fuck u pizza hut  
> also! drop a li-i mean kudos, comment, and subscribe to join team what the fuck ever i don't know  
> (i worked hard on that kiss please like meeee)


End file.
